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Anyone who has watched
a Western on the big screen will come away with the impression
that Mexican women are free spirits who will latch on to any north-of-the-border native at the drop of a sombrero. But the dating game in Mexico is rife with complexities and not so easy to play as many think. On the eve of Valentine's Day, The Colony REPORTER polled a group of expatriates and locals to discern the different dynamics between a Mexican and a northern native in a relationship. It has often been said that the primary distinguishing factor in a Mexican relationship is the warmth with which the partners interact, and most of the people this newspaper interviewed agreed. U.S. citizens Jim and Kristin White, a married couple who study at the University of Guadalajara's Center for Foreign Studies (CEPE), said Mexican couples tend to be more "affectionate" and "touchy." Said Jim White: "They'll sit on a street corner against a wall and kiss and sometimes take their clothes off. I mean, we peck each other on the cheek and stuff but nothing like that." Others say these public displays of affection are an outgrowth of strict formalities and a well-understood protocol. "There are a lot of formalities, advising parents when you're coming back, telling them what you are doing," said Tapatia Rosalva Arrana. Traditionally, a man should know a woman for around two months before asking her on a date, Arrana noted, and should also ask the woman's parents for permission to take her out. She added that parental involvement in a relationship frequently drives Mexican couples out of the house to put the moves on each other. "Parents want the pair to be close to the house, but they're not going to tolerate having them inside because it will offend them. So they go out on the street, or on the patio, or in the garage [to kiss]," Arrana said. The reticence of American men to show affection in public can be frustrating for Mexican women living in the United States, said Valeria Santos, who works for an architecture firm based in Washington, D.C. "It's like they don't trust you. They seem ashamed to show affection in public or try to romance you with words," she said. Santos said men in the United States like to speak bluntly and get to the point more quickly, are quicker to declare a relationship, and are more sexually open than their Mexican counterparts. Mexican men, in contrast, date for long periods of time before becoming a girl's boyfriend, and "keep sex in the background," she explained. "But in any event, sex is more important in a relationship with an American than a Mexican," Santos added. Arrana has dated a Canadian for several years and said that English- speaking males can have a difficult time in a relationship south of the border because they are unaware of the formalities involved in dating here. "Over there it's perfectly normal to ask a girl out on a whim. But if the parents do not meet the man, they will gossip and think he's a bad person. They will begin to assume things," Arrana said. "Young people here are not independent, and the reliance on the family is a big difference [between Mexico and the United States]," said University of Guadalajara professor Robert Curley. "Independence is scary for a lot of people here ... and the family permeates so much of personal life." For that reason, Curley noted, the covenant of marriage has more importance for Mexicans than it does for those from the north. Arrana added: "In a relationship, a Mexican tends to think more about the future responsibilities of a whole life -- marriage, children, house. But some people think that North Americans are 'just playing' when they date. But for any relationship to work, both people have to find a middle ground." The bottom line to this inquiry, one resident stressed, are the benefits derived from both persons. Concluded Curley: "I think multicultural relationships are very important to breaking down barriers. Americans need more of that because the United States is such a racially segmented society." |
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